I Still Remember the Flames
by AylaZork
Summary: Quinn can feel the flames getting closer. She knows she's done something terrible... or that she's going to. She feels like she's losing her mind and when the only person who can help is Rachel Berry she knows she's gone crazy. - Faberry.


**I Still Remember the Flames.**

**A/N: My first ever fanfiction. More notes at the end but I won't bore you anymore at the moment so just read and hopefully enjoy the beginning of my first venture into story writing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything else of value.**

**Mostly Canon up to the end of season one.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Like any creature humans are most dangerous when they are afraid. Quinn Fabray was terrified.

Why?

Her mind was screaming with jumbled thoughts and memories, and those eyes. The eyes she saw staring back from a reflection were not those of a child. They had seen things that no person should see, Quinn just couldn't remember what she had seen or when she had seen them. Nothing made sense anymore. She was supposed to be getting ready for her first day of junior year at McKinley High, retaking her rightful place as captain of the Cheerio's. But she couldn't bring herself to move. Something in the back of her mind screaming that what lay ahead is not worth living.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, she was so confused, she didn't know what was happening. She didn't know why she was so scared and why when she looked at herself she was filled with so much hate and fear. Nothing seemed real anymore. She buried her head into her pillow and tried to escape into sleep, but when she closed her eyes all she could see was fire.

Why hadn't her mother appeared to check on her, wait she did come in... didn't she? How many hours have passed? Quinn was rubbing her hands nervously... or was she tying a knot? The sight of the rope in her hands made her jump with shock and she quickly threw it across the room. Her breath shortened her face grew cold and she stared down at her hands... covered in blood. Except now they were clean... or had they always been clean? She was an innocent teenage girl but she was sure that she had done something that could never be forgiven.

She could feel the rope around her neck, feel the life leave her body... except she was still sat on the bed looking at the rope that was somehow still in her hand. The rope that she had just used to kill herself. The rope that was supposed to be on the floor... or around her neck. She looked at it through the eyes of a dead person who was still very much alive.

*Knock, knock, knock, knock.*

Quinn didn't answer, she just stared at the door willing it to never open, but it did. A man entered through the door into her room before closing the door behind him and the moment it shut Quinn had great difficulty accepting that it had ever opened at all. It was hard to see the person through her tears but the man was slowly getting closer.

"It doesn't end this way Quinn."

She knew she should scream but the sound of his voice sounded so familiar. Somehow she knew that he was the only one that understood everything she had and hadn't been through.

"I know it doesn't end this way Quinn. You have so much to do, so many places to see and people to meet. This isn't where you die."

"I'm scared." Quinn choked out as tears streamed down her face.

"I know, but trust me Quinn, it will pass. Quinn Fabray you are the most amazing girl to ever live. But I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"One day you'll understand. We've both had to make difficult choices... impossible choices. Choices that define our lives and the lives of everyone else. Choices that we must live with for the rest of our lives however brief that may be. Don't be scared Quinn but please remember... sometimes... sometimes there is no right choice."

With that the man stood to leave, taking the rope from Quinn and opening the door.

"Please, don't leave. I don't know what to do!" Quinn cried.

He looked over at her from the door and gave her a sympathetic smile. He looked at the floor and Quinn could swear that it wasn't just her eyes that were starting to fill with tears.

Then he left and with the closing of the door that was never open Quinn forgot about the strange man in her room. She forgot all about the rope that always made its way back into her hands. She forgot the tight feeling around her neck and most importantly she forgot all about the fire.

Quinn smiled to herself. She'd just woken to the sound of birds chirping outside her open window and felt great. Today was the first day of her junior year and the mistakes of the previous year would soon be forgotten. If she did notice the wet streaks on her cheeks or the faint smell of blood then she chose to ignore it. She went downstairs for a brief yet awkward breakfast with her mother in the kitchen and afterwards left her house to go to school. Yes it was a perfectly normal morning for Quinn Fabray, exactly the morning she expected it to be.

* * *

"Rachel? Come on it's time for school." Leeroy shouted up the stairs. When his daughter finally appeared at the top of the stairs he chuckled to himself.

"Is the world ending or something? You're not one to be late, in fact I distinctly remember your extensive lecture about punctuality when I was late home the first and only time you decided to try your hand at cooking." He continued smiling as she started to walk down the stairs but it quickly faltered as she came closer.

"Why does everyone hate me?"

Rachel just stood there a few steps from the bottom, looking blankly at her father. She wanted to cry into his shoulder, be comforted by one of the only two people in the world that loved her for who she was. But the tears wouldn't come. She just breathed shakily as she took the final few steps and Leeroy wrapped his arms around her.

"That's not true sweetie..."

"What's so wrong with me that even my own mother realizes the minute she sets eyes on me she doesn't want to be a part of my life."

"Oh baby, Is that what this is all about. You shouldn't let one person affect you so much, no matter who they are." Leeroy released Rachel from his arms and they both walked into the kitchen, taking a seat.

"No daddy, it's not just her... I... I broke up with Finn this morning..." She looked down towards the floor.

"Why? I mean I don't blame you he certainly wasn't... I thought things were good between you two. Wait... did he say something is that why you're upset. Because I swear if he..."

"No he didn't say anything hurtful. It wouldn't have been fair to continue the relationship... I... I've realized something that given my circumstances shouldn't frighten me so much, but it does. I'm different... that's why everyone is so distant, that's why I come home with stained clothes every day. I don't want to be any more of an outcast then I already am."

Leeroy was silent looking at the girl he loved so much. It hurt to see her so sad and alone. The birthdays that were spent with just the three of them. Rachel wearing the most brilliant smile that most of the time was genuine, but occasionally you could see in her eyes she was just putting on a brave face.

Rachel knew her fathers were sad when she was, so she was brave... for them. She tried hard to stay strong, convince her fathers that everything was ok because they had enough to deal with anyway. So when she returned home wearing different clothes to the ones in which she had left she hoped her fathers wouldn't notice. But of course they did notice. She tried to stay strong, but this morning she couldn't. This morning something inside her had just... clicked. Maybe it was the disturbing dreams that she couldn't quite remember or maybe it was the startling self realization she had had the night before. All she knew was that right now she was sad and she couldn't be strong, not without her parents to lean on.

"Just remember that me and your father will always love you no matter what and that someday you are going to be a star Rachel. Everything will turn out alright in the end."

Rachel finally looked up into his eyes and sighed.

"That's what I used to tell myself to get through it all. I used to be so sure of who I was and where I was going. I planned out my entire life when I was five years old, and then again when I realized Oz wasn't a real place."

They both chuckled briefly before Rachel continued.

"But I don't know who I am anymore, Who I'm going to be and what I'm going to do. I used to be so sure that I had what it takes, that nothing could stop me. But I'm not anymore. In Glee Club... I'm surrounded by other people with so much talent, and yet at regionals we came last. It... it makes me wonder... If there are people with as much talent as me in this small town in Ohio, what chance do I have in New York City."

* * *

"Hey, Q. My office now."

Quinn had only just arrived at school and was currently at her locker gathering her things when she heard the harsh voice of Sue Sylvester echoing down the hall. She wasn't a cheerio anymore but if Sue is calling her to her office then it can only mean one thing. That she has realized she doesn't stand a chance without Quinn on her team.

She sighed, for a moment she wondered if it was all really worth it. All the hours of practice, the pressure. All of the expectations people would have of her if she returned to her previous position. Yet again she would be a slave to her own irrational need to gain the approval of those around her, to live up to there expectations. But then that moment passed. She started out today with one goal for this year, to return to her position of prominence within the school. It seemed that task was going to be much easier then she anticipated.

She walked into Sue's office and sat in a chair in front of her desk.

"What took you so long. Never mind that, I've made up my mind. You're back on the squad Quinn. Now that sandbags is out of the picture and everyone else in this god forsaken school doesn't have a hint of the Sue factor you are the only person left. Change into your uniform immediately. You're captain of the cheerio's."

Quinn was shocked to say the least. Santana was captain of the cheerio's, or at least she was a moment ago. Sandbags? What the hell was that supposed to mean? She thought she was being called in to be accepted back onto the squad, not to be made captain of it. She thought that she'd be working hard to climb her way back to the top to dethrone Santana from her own rightful position. This was too easy and currently words failed her so she just got up to leave.

"BUT!" Quinn turned back towards the woman that was once again her coach. "If you ever make me regret this decision, I will make you regret the day you were born."

So after another quick detour to change into her uniform she started heading back to her locker. It felt good to be back in a cheerio's uniform. The power and security that it bestowed upon the wearer. Quinn felt safe, restricted... maybe even controlled, but safe. She was sure that by the end of the first cheerio's practice she'd be cursing because of her aching limbs especially as Sue would no doubt be much harder on her then usual but it was worth the pain and exhaustion.

As soon as she'd taken off the uniform last year she was invisible. She'd wrestle down the halls being hit by the bags of careless students, the only looks she'd receive would be ones of mockery, that the great Quinn Fabray had finally fallen off the school hierarchy completely. It was an unpleasant experience which just served to remind her that even as the most _popular_ girl in school there wasn't really anyone who had her back , well except for Brittany and a few members of the glee club but there wasn't really anyone she could call a friend.

But yes now that she was wearing the uniform again she was able to move freely down the halls as the other students quickly got out of her way. The mocking looks of last year were replaced with those of jealousy that she used to know so well.

She opened her locker to put the clothes she had arrived in away safely and to get everything she needed for the mornings classes after she had been interrupted in doing so by Sue earlier. Then she saw her.

_She looks upset I should talk to her_

_No what are you thinking that's exactly what you shouldn't do._

_But it would be so easy, just a couple of kind words could turn that frown upside down._

_Really... even in our thoughts that sounded pathetic. We can't say anything nice to her it's not what we're supposed to do. Look at what we're wearing, that's who we are. The Head Cheerleader._

_Well maybe I don't want to be that person anymore._

_Then maybe you shouldn't have taken back the uniform, also stop arguing with yourself like a crazy person_

"Quinn?" Rachel said as the girl approached, well actually it was more of a high pitched squeak.

"Are... are you ok?"

"Yes. Yes I'm fine." Rachel replied a little surprised at the apparent concern of the blonde.

"You sure? You don't look... fine."

"Really Quinn. It's nothing for you to worry about."

"Well ok... I'll see you later Rachel."

"Yeah... bye Quinn." Rachel's eyes widened as the other girl turned to walk away. That was weird... she called her Rachel... not Berry or Man-hands or a dozen other cruel names, just... Rachel.

_See that wasn't so hard was it._

* * *

Rachel was in the bathroom performing her nightly ritual before bed. She'd made it through the day and surprisingly only had to suffer a single slushy attack. Usually they made a special effort upon returning to school after a holiday and ramped up the attacks to make up for lost time, but not today. This morning just before she left her dad said that things would be looking up for her, and maybe... just maybe he was right.

She exited her bathroom and walked over to her bed. Yes maybe things were looking up for her after all. This year would be great, she was sure of it. Nationals... friends? Yes it was all going to happen this year she was sure of it!

She sighed, hopefully she wasn't being too naive.

She closed her eyes and that night she dreamt of fire.

* * *

**A/N: So this is the first chapter of the first fanfiction I have ever wrote. It's probably also the first story that I have ever willingly written as well. So hopefully it's not too terrible. I'm also not from America so there's bound to be a few errors here and there. But yeah I'd really appreciate reviews and advice cause god knows I'll need it.**

**I'd like to keep updates coming fairly regularly and I wanted to get some more chapters written in advance but I just found out a couple of hours ago that today's the first day of something called Faberry week so now's as good a time as any to get this out there, I really hope you enjoyed this first chapter and hope you will enjoy the many more to come.**


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